By Julie Fuimano, Personal & Career
For many years, I was a lone ranger, doing things on my own, resistant
others' help and support. Although always friendly and well-liked, I
let anyone get too close. I never felt good about sharing my deepest
thoughts and feelings, perhaps for fear of ridicule. Somehow, during my
teenage years, I nurtured the belief that I had to be careful not to
too much, that it wasn't okay to be myself (perhaps I wasn't sure how to
comfortable at being me?). I felt very alone and just thought that this
how life was to be for me.
Now, looking back, I can see how I became this way. I can look back at
late teen years, the things that occurred, and see how this belief got
formed. Sometimes it's not so easy to discover how our beliefs are
And that's not really what's important. It's easy to get hung up on the
"why" and the "how'd I get here?" But it's an intellectual exercise and
never put you into action to change your beliefs. What is important is
I became aware of this belief and how it was limiting my life. And I
to adopt a new belief.
Keeping People Out
It's not smart to be a lone ranger - it's safe. By choosing to be alone,
keep people out. The energy emanating from you is, "stay away, I want to
alone," although, that may not be your conscious intention. This is
actually very selfish. Because of your unwillingness to let anyone love
you keep yourself and your special gifts and talents to yourself.
you are not quite sure how to be comfortable being you. It's not like
hand you a 'how-to-be-yourself handbook' when you finish high school
gives you the prescription for how to live well. (If you received one,
please share it with the rest of us!)
All it takes is for someone to break through your barrier, or for you to
realize that you don't need to do everything yourself, that we are
beings meant to connect and to share in love. You don't need to hide
an illusion that you are separate and alone. You are not alone. Stop
the best part of who you are! Your greatness lies in being able to share
yourself with others.
Keeping Ourselves Out
Too often we live either as lone rangers, separate and disconnected from
others, or we attempt to give all we have to others with no sense of
self-regard. We can be so invested in giving to others or caretaking
often give to our own detriment. We give until it hurts. We burn out,
develop compassion fatigue, or become physically drained causing injury
unhappiness to ourselves and those around us.
Learning to love yourself is an important part of adulthood. Learning to
know yourself well, accept who you are without judgment and then
make decisions coming from a place of honor and love for yourself is the
highest form of self-respect and love.
When you put everyone else before you, you disregard your own personal
needs. You shrink behind the false impression that to give to others is
better than to give yourself. This doesn't help anyone! It doesn't serve
and it doesn't serve the world because you become resentful.
is a form of anger - at self - and it's energy draining. You may think
you are angry because others are taking advantage but the reality is
one gets to take advantage of you without your permission.
If you are feeling resentful, it's possible you are putting the needs of
others before your own. You may think that you are helping others by
for them, but the impact is that people do not learn to accept
responsibility for them selves. If you don't put yourself first, if you
don't learn to care for your body, save for your retirement, and
the energy drains in your life, you'll be the one in need of the
contributions that you so freely give to others. It's your
care for yourself before you care for others.
Connecting To Others
We are all very much connected. What I've learned is that when I share
myself with others, when I allow myself to open up and discuss my
feelings, fears, and doubts, others can relate to me on a much deeper
We have so much more in common than we realize. As much as we're all the
same, we're each unique. This is the human paradox. What you feel, I
The life lessons that I must learn, you will learn too. And yet there's
something that makes each of us unique and it's at this place where we
discover the differences we each have. It's what makes people
What we have in common, we share; we learn from each other new
so that perhaps life becomes easier and more enjoyable. And what we see
unique and distinct in each other, we can discover how to maximize those
gifts. Our talents are those things that come so easily that we don't
realize just how special they are until someone tells us. This is where
accepting a compliment is so important. You may brush it off as
because you don't realize the significance. But you need to hear what
have to share with you about you. The very things that are easy for you
challenging or even impossible for someone else!
People are so willing to give and to provide support. They want to know
they are not alone. That's why people read - to know they're not alone.
People want to make a difference; they want to feel included; they want
opportunity to get to know you - your thoughts, ideas, feelings, fears,
doubts - and they want to share their own. Let them in by sharing
with others whom you feel comfortable and safe. Take a chance. You'll
that it doesn't make you vulnerable to open up; it's strength. It's also
extremely liberating when you don't have to hold back on being You.
Julie Fuimano, MBA, BSN, RN is a personal & career coach working with
who want to create a great life. Call now to explore how coaching would
for you (484) 530-5024. Sign up for our e-newsletter at